I knew from how she asked that I should say no When I got out of the bathtub, dried, clothed, the water drained, she said, Do you like looking at yourself in there? Now I just look for her in hummingbirds and birds of paradise She spun out into Pentecostal laterįor thou art with me thy rod and thy staff they comfort me I found this fitting, since she had begun Catholic. My grandmother died just hours after we signed the papers that would land her in hospice. She would often tell me that when she died, she was going to ask God to let her speak to me My grandmother often told me she wished I had green eyesįor my fourteenth birthday my grandmother gave me money for colored contact lenses. This also worked to preserve her skin, the skin that earned her the nickname güera from her family On the other side of the door, I heard my grandmother’s voice. In the bathtub, underneath the window, I lay very still. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil
She exhaled a gray stream of smoke, her forever halo. My mother: Well, at least it won’t be lonely in hell. I could imagine what sustained burning felt like when I got tattooed the first time. My grandmother’s bed, where I often ground my body into the mattress to make myself hit nirvana He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake Imagine your whole body being burnt over and over and over again. I dreamed often of the whore, the harlot who rode the beast with seven heads. My mother asleep in my grandmother’s bedroom He maketh me to lie down in green pastures he leadeth me beside the still waters I shook out the pages and turned them when someone happened by my shoulder
I lingered on the gratuitous and plentiful photos of bikini-clad starlets. I perused her collection of National Enquirer and Star magazines. The three of us loved a Sunday in which food, reading, and television played a large part Just as my mother has a single daughterĮast L.A., the sound of the freeway, chicken and rice, my grandmother’s cats playing with their shadows My grandmother now had a single daughter. Loved her son and held her daughter in contempt. The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. My grandmother taught me how to get out of nightmares. My grandmother was in a bed for dementia and Alzheimer’s patients over the hill and far away My daughter began her journey out of my body on the day of my grandmother’s 95th birthday
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